Completely His

Sweetness

2010-05-06T07:34:00.000-07:00

I get by with a little help from my friends

2010-05-06T07:25:00.000-07:00

Thoughts on turning 40.
All of the sudden I realize that there are a lot of wrinkle reducing creams on the market. What's a girl to use without refinancing your house over it?
Four children left my stomach completely streched out and sagging, but seriously, all of the fat on my body has migrated to my mid- section. AND, my butt seems to be disappearing.
Mood swings. Uncontrollable tears. Nuf said.
My life is half over.
Spanx is my new best friend.
I can barely keep up with tweezing the gray out of my hair and I've tried unsuccessfully to color my hair at home. Headed to the salon for some help now. Please.

I did spend the weekend with friends in my life who have gone over the hill and are doing the thing amazingly well. Beautiful, inside and out. I really want to do this gracefully. I just wish I would have used more sunscreen.

Meredith's 25th Birthday

2009-08-04T07:16:00.000-07:00

Lazy daze of summer

2009-06-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

We are off and running in the summer of '09. The last two weeks have been filled mostly with vacation bible schools. Hannah, Sophie, and Isaac all had a blast learning about Jesus and singing great songs to the King of Kings!! The weather has been less than favorable so its a good thing we had VBS to fall back on.

Last week, Isaac started tball. He woke up early, put on his spider man baseball cap and wore his glove around until it was time to leave. I was anxious to see what he would do since he has never stepped foot on a field.

We go to the field and from the moment we arrived until the moment we left, he never stopped grinning. The sweetest, most genuinely happy grin a kid can have. For starters, he proudly took his place at home to swing the bat and he nailed it! Then, ran like the wind to first and proudly looked back at us to get the thumbs up. Precious. He ran around the bases and then raced passed home with his hand high in the air pumping his fists in victory. I am convinced that its in a boys blood to play baseball.

In the field, he ran after the ball, threw it in, and didn't have a clue about tagging the bases. Once told to the tag the base, he tagged it every time the ball was hit, with or without the ball. (mostly without) Afterwards, we walked back to the van and he triumphantly announced "That was awesome!" I think we are enjoying the first of many fun summers of baseball.

Little Buddy's Big Day

2009-05-16T05:32:00.001-07:00

It's official. We are a family that no longer uses training wheels.
On his very first attempt, our precious little Isaac went sailing off into the wild blue yonder.

Fight Like a Girl

2009-05-04T10:49:00.000-07:00

To my sisters in Christ,

I am trying to wrap my brain around the way God works out all details into conformity to His will and will try to convey to you exactly what this weekend meant to me. The story of Esther is deeply personal to me in that He has reversed my own destiny in a miraculous way. It is a priviledge to be able to savor complete redemption and then be used for His Glory!!

Truly, you girls are amazing. I love you deeply although we have been in each others lives a relatively short period of time. I feel as if our hearts are knit together "for such a time as this". Because I lost my own sister at a very young age and have never shared in that type of relationship as an adult, I am constantly amazed as to the way God fills in that gap for me. If I could hand pick some sisters, I would pick you.

After my mom went home to be with the Lord last fall, everything changed regarding family. Not only am I without a sister, I am without a mom now. There are things moms do that no one else can do. Especially on birthdays. No one loves you like your mom and makes your feel special like your mom. I was dreading my birthday. Two reasons...one, I am almost 40. Yikes. Where has life gone? Two....I didn't want another reminder that my mom is not here. God knew how much my heart could take and in His sovereignty, He placed me on retreat. He took me out of my element and into a place of rest. He placed me with women I dearly love and allowed me to be a mouthpiece to speak of His truth. He allowed me to serve instead of sit around feeling sorry for myself. I thought the day would come and go without any fanfare...that's truly what I wanted. However, God knew differently.

Seriously, I don't know of how it could have been any better. That song we sang...He loves us, oh how He loves us.... its true! He cares for us so deeply. He knows how wounded we are and then gently, He hides us in the cleft of the rock....covering us with His hand and passes by. In His wisdom, He gives us a glimpse of His backside. The tiniest peek at what He is doing. I see how He covered my heart with His tender hand and whispered in my ear all the things I needed to hear.

God used you in my life in a way I can hardly fathom. Thank you for loving me, for being my sisters in Christ, and for making a huge impact in my life. You made me laugh the hardest I have laughed in a very, very long time. You made me cry sweet tears because of your care, love and tenderness. You were Jesus to me this weekend.

I love you,
Michelle

ps. My mom wrote birthday cards out to each of us in the last week before she went home to be with the Lord. I really didn't want to see that card on Saturday. God made a way so that didn't happen. I opened that card today and sat and cried my eyes out all by myself. It compels me to write you and tell you how much you mean to me. The card is beautiful...the last line she wrote is this..." Wish we could have had more time, but God's timing is perfect."

Don't waste any time....K?

Sophia's best day

2009-04-20T19:57:00.001-07:00

As Troy likes to say, all days are good. It's just some days are a little better than others. Today was Sophia's best day. She has been spending a great deal of time leaning into the fence in our back yard and reaching her short arm through to the other side to pet the basset hound in the neighbors yard. There is not question that the dog is extremely cute. Being the dog lover in the family, she is enthralled with the pooch. This afternoon, the dog could not take it any longer and nuzzled the concrete block from under the fence and made her way to our yard. "Pearl" ran around the yard, chasing balls, and jumping all over the six children following after her. The photographer, a.k.a. mom, was mauled by the pup as well when attempting to take the photos. It was worth it.

Flood Prep

2009-03-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

Living in Fargo has proved to be quite challenging for several reasons. However, at the top of the list has got to be dealing with the weather here. The Olson's always told us living in Fargo was much different than southern Minnesota or anywhere else in the Midwest. I didn't believe them for a second. I have lived in the Dakota's or in MN for most of my life and have experienced my share of snow,wind, and rain. However, I must say....the Olson's were right. There is no other place ON THE EARTH as troubling as they weather pattern in Fargo.

Currently, thousands of people are filling sandbags and then distributing them around the neighborhoods expecting the greatest deal of flooding from the Red River. We are very close to the river, but seem to be on one of the higher spots in the neighborhood. Such an interesting concept when everything in the Red River Valley is flat.

McKenzie has done her part and carried sandbags for three days in a row now. Last night, we made two big pots of chili to feed the hungry sandbaggers. (Sounds like a nasty name doesn't it? or at least something my dad calls Troy!) I keep telling Troy "Don't just sit there! Do something! Our city is going under!!" totally kidding...he has done his part too!!

We all have to pitch in and help,but I can't help but think that Jesus is still the God of this City and the King of these people. He is in control. In that, we rest.

If you have the chance to go to Chuck E Cheese for a birthday party, pass on that!

2009-03-14T07:32:00.001-07:00

We celebrated Isaac's fifth birthday with his buddies at Chuck E Cheeses last weekend. WOW. That is a crazy place to be on a Saturday afternoon! Lots going on "where a kid can be a kid"! Isaac would have nothing to do with Chuck himself. Waved from afar and that was good enough for him. Why wouldn't a kid be a little freaked out by that? His little friend in the corner refused to look at the camera when a picture was taken. He was a little overwhelmed by all the commotion too I think! Isaac had a blast and therefore, mission accomplished!

Quotes never to be forgotten

2009-03-01T18:40:00.000-08:00

Troy and I left on Friday, the 27th, to head to Fairmont to get our things from the old house. As I was giving out hugs and kisses to the kids, I got to Sophia and said "I love you!" and "See you in three days!" She replied, "That's three whole days that you won't have to yell at me!" I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Let me tell ya, it was a moment of deep reflection on my part.

We celebrated Isaac's 5th birthday today and he was so thrilled and excited to have a day all of his own. As we were getting dressed for the day he said "Mom, I feel like I am five today. And it feels goooood!" Priceless. Kids say the darndest things.

Joy and sorrow

2009-02-27T05:32:00.001-08:00

Today, Troy and I will make our way to Fairmont to pack up the house we called home for 13 years. It's been a week a very mixed emotions for me. On one hand, there is great excitement in beginning this new chapter of our lives. God has proven Himself faithful to us and we are in awe of the way He works out everything in conformity to His will. On the other, I have had one of the saddest weeks yet. Maybe its because I had PMS and was battling strep or maybe its because I have never missed my mom more. Maybe its all three.
As I painted and planned out what I was going to do with each room, I couldn't stop thinking about how happy mom would be for us. She would have been here helping out and working harder than anybody else. Philippians 1:6 says "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus." My mom prayed for our house to sell and for us to find a new home in Fargo. That prayer did not end when mom left this earth. Jesus Christ will continue to carry it out until the day He returns! All of her prayers have touched the throne and continue to be worked out by the Lord. I think of the prayers she prayed for my children, for Joel and his future, for dad and his future...I rest in knowing that He who began a GOOD work in so faithful to complete it.
I have come to understand that yesterday was for me a "storm" day. A day when the clouds roll in, unexpectedly, and unleash buckets of precipitation in the form of tears. The good news is that storms to don't last forever. They do pass and when they do, the sun breaks forth and a new day begins. His mercies are new every morning.

SOLD!

2009-02-20T18:29:00.000-08:00

I have often imagined and day dreamed about what that phone call might be like when we hear these words..."There is an offer on your house." Nearly 21 months after placing our house on the market, we received our first and final offer today!
Since the beginning of January, we have asked the Lord to lead us into this New Year. We specifically asked him to sell our house in Fairmont and help us find one in Fargo. For a long time, we thought that it was all just happen and we would wait on the Lord. However, we began sensing that something needed to change and maybe we needed to actually take a step out in faith, trusting God as we proceeded forward.
We gave up the idea that we were going to make any money on our house in Fairmont. The next step then was to lower the house to a price where we would just be able to walk away taking nothing with us. Given the state of the economy, its really the best we could do. The dreaded "foreclosure" word is everywhere and definetly a reality in some cases, but Troy and I both felt that we needed to be good stewards of what God has given us and avoid this at all cost. We then began discussing creative and different ways of financing a new home and starting over again in real estate. God provided for us financially and gave us an awesome lender who really worked well with us.
As we took steps forward, we asked God to place road blocks in the way if this wasn't from Him. We found a house in the neighborhood we wanted, in the school system we liked and in the price range we could afford. When I walked into the house I immediatly knew that we could live there and make it ours. The sellers came down to a price we were very comfortable with and we sensed God's approval. He even blessed us with a house warming gift in this process! We saw that God was opening doors (literally) rather than putting up road blocks.
When our Fairmont house didn't sell in January, we began to ask God to sell our house by the closing date of our new house which is February 23rd. It's been a daily struggle to keep our eyes on Him and not worry about the future. The notion of paying two morgages on one income was certainly overwhelming to both of us. Especially to the main bread winner of the family :)
We have asked our family and close friends to really pray that God would intervene and sell this house. Even this week on Thursday, I received a text message from a good friend who said she was on her knees asking God to sell the house. She gave me Psalm 37 as a reference. Here are a few keys verses that really spoke to my heart:
" Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him."
We commited this to the Lord beginning in January. Troy and I began seeking God's will for us here in Fargo by uniting together in prayer and focusing on the One who could deliver. He is mighty to save!! We are in awe of how He is at work.
The double blessing is that our kids see how to commit something in prayer to Him and then how to listen for His direction. Over the past year and a half, we have asked God for help in this move to Fargo, asked Him for healing, and asked Him to protect us. If we teach our kids anything, its that we trust God when the answer is "no" and we trust Him when He gives us our hearts desire. I don't ever want to forget the look on sweet Hannah's face today when she said "He answered us!" Yes, He did Hannah! He is good, all the time.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. There has been a time to weep and now it is a time to rejoice. Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. We are full of joy. Thank you Lord!

We Remember

2009-02-11T08:27:00.000-08:00

Five months ago today, we said goodbye and heaven welcomed a sweet saint home. This picture could make me cry my eyes out. "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Cor. 2:9

No self esteem issues here!

2009-02-09T20:06:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what a haircut will do for a kid. I love to get my hair cut too....makes you feel a little sassy again! Isaac got his haircut and the stylist spiked it up with gel and ever since, we haven't been able to touch the kids head. Then, we got him this cool new Spiderman blanket to go on his new bed. He was flying high!!

Today, he went to school for the first time with his new do. He walks in and of course, Miss Jodie notices and calls him the "cool kid". He ate that up and tonight, he tells me that all his friends and his teachers think he's cool.

The thought came to me that we are all trying to be "cool" and accepted by those around us. Of course we want to be liked and accepted for who we are, but ultimately our worth comes from our Heavenly Father. Psalm 139:17-18 says "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. " That's amazing to consider that the Lord has us on his mind all the time and He is so in love with us despite how we look, how we feel, and where we are at in life. I want to rest in the promise that He loves me more than I could begin to fathom.

Pictures of new house

2009-02-08T11:43:00.000-08:00

These are just a few pics of the new house on Lilac Lane. Obvioulsy, one taken in winter and the other in the fall. My favorite things about the house are the back yard and the kitchen.

Sophia turns 8!!

2009-02-04T09:19:00.001-08:00

Miss Sophia turned 8 years old on the first of February! We celebrated by having a rollerskating party with seven friends from school! Mom got on skates and reminisced about skating in Aberdeen at Rollaway USA.

Sophie got a Nintendo DS and was thrilled about this! Daddy made his famous chocolate chip pancakes too!

No eight year olds birthday would be complete without a Hannah Montana birthday cake! Rock on!

Good gifts

2009-02-04T08:20:00.000-08:00

I received my beautiful gift from the Lord (and Engraved Euniques) in the mail on Tuesday. It's every bit as wonderful as I could have ever hoped it would be. Thank you Jesus for your great love for me! You can find these and other great gifts at www.engravedeuniques.com.

The God of all good gifts

2009-01-28T08:56:00.000-08:00

On Sunday, January 25th, we signed a purchase agreement with the sellers of a lovely home that soon will become our home. We had feelings of excitement and fear. "What have we just done?" my sweet husband uttered . The provider naturally would feel some sense of pressure with two houses and one income.
That same day, I discovered that I was the winner of a giveaway at Big Mama's blog. I love her blog and she makes me smile and sometime, laugh out loud at her daily writings. The giveaway was an engraved personalized stone plaque that featured your family names and scripture to display in your home. I was 'randomly' chosen of out of nearly 1000 entries. If God can work through the casting of lots to make decision, certainly He can work through a random computer selection program couldn't He? I believe that God chose to give me a good gift this day as a stone of remembrance. To remind me that He is in control and that He is the God who sees and hears the cry of my heart. We serve a God who intimately knows the deepest needs of our heart and yet, holds the world in His hands. I cannot comprehend that, but I love knowing that He cares deeply for the most personal needs of my life.
I looked up the passage in Joshua 4 where the Lord commanded Joshua to take up stones out of the Jordan and set them up as a memorial to what the Lord had done that day. It all came together as I realized that this was our stone of remembrance. We must tell of how God provided and remind our children that He is Jehovah Jirah...our Provider. We will do this for years to come.
So on Sunday, I felt loved like I haven't felt loved and cared for by my Lord in quite some time. There have been days in the past year when I felt as if God had forgotten me, that He wasn't truly good. I know that's not true and over the course of time, He has shown me that He does work all things together for my good. He's not working in my life to make me happy, but to make me holy.
Today though, He has made me glad.

houses and freezing cold temps

2009-01-23T10:43:00.001-08:00

We are back below zero again after enjoying balmy temps in the 20's. Amazing how much warmer it feels when you get over 20! Baby its cold outside!!
We have officially taken a huge step of faith. No leap of faith...off a cliff...not knowing what at the bottom...we made an offer on a house we really think could work for our family. Asking God to open the hearts and minds of the sellers and receive this offer joyfully. After taking our house off the market and trying to sell it ourselves, we just received three phone calls today on it. One person is going over to see the house today! We have asked God to sell our house in January. The coldest, bleakest time of the year in the Midwest. It's hard to even utter those kinds of prayers for fear of disappointment, but, I have come to believe that any "No" you receive from the throne is always for the sake of a greater "Yes".
Do your thing God...amaze us, show off; and thrill us with your glory! You are God alone! We are trusting You completely because we are completely Yours!

The things I am good at

2009-01-17T20:41:00.000-08:00

Isaac asked me to help him zip his coat and put on his gloves the other night. He was preparing to go outside and help his dad shovel the driveway for the 50th time this winter. I asked him why I needed to help him with this all the time. He said "Because you're good at it!"
"Really!" I said, "Well, what else am I good at?" Without any hesitation this sweet little boy answered with "Loving me."
What every mom wants to hear. My heart was melted by this precious four year old.

All dogs go to heaven

2009-01-17T20:28:00.000-08:00

On Friday, January 17th, we had our sweet little dog Lacy euthanized. I like that word because it states a fact. We didn't have her put to sleep, we all know she's not sleeping for goodness sake! We didn't have her "put down" either. Where did they put her down at??? Troy was the one who actually took her to the vet and handed her over. It was very difficult for him and he said that aftewards, he cried like a baby. Poor guy.
She was such a good dog. I think our daughter Hannah, summed it all up in this essay she wrote at school last year.
"My dog Lacy is a Bichon. She has white, fluffy, short, and curly hair. Lacy is a very skimpy dog. Lacy is 14 years old in human years. My dog loves to be held when you hold her sometimes you feel bumps because she has moles. When we let her out she comes back and scratches on our door to let her in. Her bark is very faint. Sometimes it is very loud when she sees people she has not met. We have to give her a bath every month or so. Because she gets into a lot of stuff. (like large candy bars and gum) She is a very calm dog. Lacy is sleeping 24/7. All day she is very calm and that is my dog Lacy."
All true. She was a member of our family for 8 1/2 years. Lacy was given to us by a family who didn't have time to take care of her. She came to us with what I would call a neurosis of sorts. She hated to be alone and when she was alone, she proceeded to pee or poop wherever she wanted to. It took a while to get her trained again and during these last few months of her life, she was peeing and pooping wherever she liked again! The bad news now is that we are living in my sister in laws house and Lacy has single handedly ruined the carpet in the house. Not good when you are living rent free-utilities free-internet free-cable free, etc. Lacy was nearly blind and most definetly deaf. Not a good combination for a dog really. However, she had a very good sniffer. She was able to find a pack of gum in a bag, cookies in suitcases, and Hershey bars in backpacks. She has always been what I would call a "scavenger". Food was her friend.
We cherish this sweet furry friends memory. Thanks for sharing our lives and letting us share yours. We will never forget you!

Gripped by the Sovereignty of God

2008-10-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

Can you thank me for trusting you with this experience even if I never tell you why? -God.
After listening to Walk in the Word with James McDonald today, this comment sticks with me and causes me to contemplate this question in my life. I don't understand why we are in Fargo, why our house hasn't sold, why my mom is in heaven today and left this earth earlier than I wanted her to. BUT, can I thank God for trusting me to endure all these things?

No School?!

2008-10-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

NDEA, otherwise known to us as, MEA weekend. Yippee. Four day weekend. TROUBLE. That's was that is. It takes us two days to get used to being at home together, one day to get along and one day to prepare to return to school. The only choice I had was to put McKenzie in charge and go off to lunch with a friend. We had a lovely time and actually, while I was away, the kids played very well together. Even spent most of it outside. Music to a mother's ears. All afternoon, we anxiously anticipated Sarah and Dorothy's arrival for a sleepover this evening. Of course the climax to this event is the debut of High School Musical 3 on Friday. I secretly can't wait to see the movie!
We had a fun evening as I tooked five children to a "photo shoot". There is a young women's event coming up at church and one of the ideas was to take pics of women of all ages with no makeup on. All natural. I think it sounds really cool. Sophia and Dotty Lou got in on the action too. Isaac had a melt down when he walked into the room full of estrogen. So, Hannah had to take him out and hide in the van. Where else could a boy go? Afterwards, we picked up five girls from Olive Garden. (Mckenzie and her friends) and brought the people count in the van up to 10. Yikes.
Troy is enjoying himself in Bismarck at the NDEA conference. I love how he ends up singing karoake and eating good food all night. Sounds like hard work to me.

Rainy days in Oct.

2008-10-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

I am finishing what I started. I don't do that a lot. I get something going and then have a hard time completing it. My husband calls it abstract/random. I also refer to it as adult ADHD. I can be going along, with a task in my mind, and be completely thrown off by something else that catches my eye or enters my thoughts. Like today, I had no intention of trying to begin to blog again. I have things to do!! However, this grabbed my attention and I was off to the races. Call it random, call it whatever...

"Sing praises to the Lord, for He has done gloriously; let this be made known in all the earth. Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitants of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel." Is. 12:5-6

He has been glorious in my life over the course of the last year. I have been pricked my the brokeness of the world and have lived through it to tell about it. There were days I didn't think I could go on happily ever again. I have learned how to live in the moment and savor the people in my life. I have learned that God is good, not matter the circumstances. There are many other truths that have been imprinted on my life that I hope I never forget. Learning things in the classroom is one thing, but going on a field trip will seal the memory forever. I don't like field trips, but if that what it takes to make me student of the Word, so be it.

I hope to share how this happens and how to trust God in difficulty.

2008-01-31T16:28:00.000-08:00

Mayo Clinic....January 29th and 30th.
Can't help but walk through and think about all these sick people being made well by the only Healer that could change their lives forever. One day, every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. At that time, He will also wipe every tear from their eyes and remove the diseases. There will be no need for wheelchairs, chemo drugs and doctors for that matter! Praise God!!! I can't wait until that day!

Good intentions

2008-01-31T16:09:00.000-08:00

I had decided early on today that I was going to run errands instead of attend bible study this morning. I had a couple of stops to make and Isaac was in preschool...seemed like a great opportunity! Sophia is turning 7 tomorrow and we are planning to celebrate both her birthday and Joel's graduation from fireman's training on Sat. Honestly, I was not really in "party mode" and feeling more like having a "pity party" than celebrating. I was determined to find firemen's hats so that we could all be wearing one in honor of Joel. I was actually feeling a little encouraged after finding a verse that the Lord led me to today. Is. 43:1-3. Trusting that God was walking with me through this fire.
After purchasing the hats, I was feeling thrilled that I found what I was looking for. Troy and I have been diligent about saving all receipts this month and I was putting just that in my wallet when BAM!! I fell off a step (did NOT see that there) and twisted my ankle severly!!! I was standing there crying wondering how I would get out to my van to sit down. I cried out to God for help and made it there, where I continued to cry! I felt like a kid, but I am telling you, it really hurt!! Long story short, made it home, sister in law Martha came to the rescue...my knight in shining armor also came home to watch Isaac and after an hour and a half vist to the walk in clinic, I came home with an Ace bandage, an ankle support, and a PT appointment. Third degree sprain. Ouch.
lesson learned here? Nothing yet...stay tuned. Could potentially be a great devotional.

Christ is most magnified when...

2008-01-10T16:40:00.000-08:00

Christ is most magnified in us when we are most satisfied in Him when we lose everything but Him.

Christ is magnified by being preferred above everything that life can offer. His grace is sufficient for me. (Phillipians 1: 20-21)

I want Christ to look good in my life...

Suffering is Essential

2008-01-08T13:38:00.000-08:00

The last few weeks have been a blur. I went from enjoying some sweet rest and relaxation with my husband in Nashville to learning that my mom was diagnosed with cancer. From there it only got more interesting as I quickly headed off to be with my parents in Mitchell, only to end up in the ditch after a slippery slide down the interstate. Through the kindness and thoughtfulness of relatives, we were cared for so tenderly as we waited to get to our final destination. I can't even begin to express my gratitude over the way God provided for us in this bad situation.
We finally made it to Mitchell on Dec. 22nd and celebrated Christmas. It was a special time together with mom, dad, Joel and all our family. Knowing that we were about to embark on a very scary journey into cancer, it made the time together very precious. For awhile, we didn't have to face the facts, but only cherish each other and live in the present.
Through it all, I caught of glimpse of what God was doing in each of our lives... in my mom, He was giving peace that passes all understanding...in my brother, He was raising up a true spiritual leader...in my dad, my hero, the armor was beginning to crack. Most all, we got real and focused on what matters most. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father and our relationships with one another. Why does it take a tragedy for us to tell the people we love just how very much they mean to us and how very much we love and treasure them?? I could never convey to my mom or to my dad how much they have impacted my life and how grateful I am that the Lord chose them for me. They are the best parents EVER and I love them more than I could ever tell them. When you love deeply, you feel pain deeply. My heart hurts...
We left Mitchell with the realization that surgery was just around the corner...Dec. 31st. I would come back alone and stay with my mom and dad as long as they needed me. Troy was going to hold down the house and play Mr Mom. We also had supports in place to give rides, take care of Isaac and provide a few meals along the way. God was faithful and good to all of them during this time. He also met us in a hospital room in Mitchell and provided us with a sweet time of laughter and tears. I saw the hands and feet of the body of Christ and felt His love through countless hugs and many meals. My mom was amazing and I was so proud to be her daughter and be there to encourage and support her. Again, there were moments that I was sure my heart would literally break in two and I could barely catch my breathe, but ultimately, the Lord's grace was sufficient for all of us.
What have I learned so far? Not to race ahead of today...I must live in the present. He daily bears our burdens. I don't have the grace for tomorrow yet.
I need to live and breathe God's Word. There is nothing else that will bring me peace or hope.
I will spend the rest of this life telling my mom how special, how wonderful, how amazing she is and just how much I love her.

a new job

2007-12-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

So last night, as I am getting Sophia and Hannah settled into bed, Sophia proceeds to ask me if I want a new job. I tell her "No, I don't. Why do you ask?" She then goes on to tell me that she was writing about Christmas in her journal and had to write what her mom wanted for Christmas. Sophia says that she writes that her mom wants a new job and no kids. I about died!! What would make you think that I ask??!! She basically tries to explain that obviously this motherhood job is hard and that I am crabby most of the time. Hannah concurs and says yes, "in her world", I am crabby at them most of the time!!! Wham, Wham. Major blows to my heart! As I pray with them, I ask for forgiveness and for the Lord to make me into a more loving, gently mommy. Do they really see me as getting after them all the time? Is that how they will remember their childhood?! Oh, that I would leave them a legacy worth far more than this!
The silver lining of the last 24 hours was this...my oldest daughter tells me tonight that she has befriended a girl struggling with life. A girl who looks different and acts much different than her and for whatever reason, she trusts McKenzie and shares some tough stuff with her. (ie her desire to drink alcohol) McKenzie goes on to describe how this girl asks what kind of music she listens to and McKenzie tells me how she hasn't felt the courage to say she listens to Christian music when most friends ask her music preference. However, on this occasion, with this girl, she tells her and says that God gave her such peace about telling her! She also tells me about how she prayed for this girl very specifically last week and God answered her and affirmed what she prayed for over this girls life!!! WOW! She really gets it! What a moment! To realize that your child knows and believes that God hears and answers prayer and the He truly is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. I am praying that McKenzie would have a boldness to share Christ with this girl and see that transforming power in her life! Also, tonight, Hannah prayed in such a beautiful way that I was moved beyond words. I am humbled and amazed at how God has worked in their lives. The sweetest thing on earth is seeing them really "get it" and truly trust Him with their lives. I often think, I can take no credit for the positive results just as I won't take credit for the negative results. Only God can do that! I am completely grateful and filled to overflowing with thanks. I do not want to resign from this job. Ever.

2007-12-08T16:49:00.000-08:00

December 8, 2007

I feel as though I have officially kicked off the holiday season with a nice Christmas brunch, gift exchange, and yummy treats. Following this nice relaxing time, we entered the retail world where we had to stand in lines and fight off shoppers for that sale priced item on everyone's list. We called it quits after a short time and decided that shopping in the middle of the week sounded like a much better plan. Tonight, we will watch "How the Grich stole Christmas" to really grasp the reason for the season. hahaha...